A Warbler Wedding
by threetequilafloor
Summary: The Warblers decide to marry Kurt and Blaine. Hilarity ensues.
1. The Plan

'They're like a married couple.'

Trent looked up at Jeff from his morning coffee.

'Pardon?'

The student lounge at recess was bustling full of Dalton students; some sitting at tables, others on green-leather lounges and laughter was loud and plentiful.

'I said,' continued Jeff, with a glance over at the far corner to his right. 'Blaine and Kurt are like a married couple.'

Trent followed Jeff's eyes. Leaning up against the corner wall of the student lounge were Kurt and Blaine. Blaine had one arm resting on the wall above him and Kurt. Kurt had both his hands clasped together in front of him. Both seemed deeply engrossed in each other's faces.

'I mean, they do everything together,' continued Jeff, wistfully. 'Coffee dates. Walking each other to class. But now they're actually _together_, and it just seems more obvious.'

Trent snorted. 'Maybe we should propose they elope, to save us from their public displays of affection.'

'Or wed them ourselves,' Jeff replied. He looked over at Trent and they started to laugh.

'Excuse me,' interjected a voice behind them. Jeff and Trent turned around. Wes sat upright in a green leather chair, glaring at them over the top of his newspaper. 'But under state law, they cannot be joined in matrimony. Firstly: they are underage. Secondly…'

'We are aware of that,' interrupted Trent, waving his hand dismissively. 'It was merely a suggestion.'

Wes sighed. 'Fine. But do not let Thad overhear you jest about this sort of thing.'

'Why not?'

'Just – don't. He takes these matters very seriously.' Wes paused. 'He has a wedding fixation'

'Do I hear mention of the word _wedding?_'

Thad bounded over to the three boys, seating himself on the arm rest of the lounge.

'We were saying just how much Blaine and Kurt are like a married couple,' Trent told him.

Thad was silent for a few moments, his eyes staring off into space. The other Warblers thought he had lost all ability to communicate until he opened his mouth to speak. 'We…should…wed them ourselves,' he said slowly.

'That's what I said!' replied Jeff, laughing over at Trent.

'No, we really should,' said Thad, breaking away from his reverie and now looking between Jeff, Trent and Wes, a maniacal smile forming at his lips. 'And soon, before the word spreads and they decide to change their minds. Why not make use of our fine establishment?' He pointed at Kurt and Blaine, now looking lovingly into one another's eyes. He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. '_But they_ _must not know about it._ Not until I have everything planned.' He raised his hands across the front of him, as if pointing out the words of an invisible sign. 'Blaine and Kurt, husband and husband. We need to inform the other members of the council.'

Jeff and Trent sat in stunned silence. Wes snorted.

'Is that so?' he replied, raising his eyebrows mockingly, not caring to hide the sarcasm in his voice. 'In that case, we must propose a council meeting.'

'There will be no time for that!' exclaimed Thad, shooing off his suggestion with a flick of his hand.

Wes' eyes narrowed. 'Then you must have forgotten that the council comprises of _three_ senior members, _sir_, not just one with a penchant for matrimonies.'

Thad rolled his eyes. 'I think the Warblers would all be in accordance with this.' He glanced behind them to a pair of students, immersed in a game of chess. 'David, will we have time for a council meeting this afternoon, despite the conclusive _fact _that the Warblers are keen to find a foundation in which to merge Blaine and Kurt's names together? Keeping in mind, of course, that this is a matter that requires immediate action?'

David, who was eyeing his opponent's Queen, did not move as he responded.

'No.'

'Then it is settled!' said Thad, clapping his hands in excitement. Wes sighed audibly and returned to his newspaper. 'After school today, rehearsal room. We need chairs, flowers, musical arrangements. Oh, and guests!'

'I can get out the invites!' said Jeff, raising his voice in anticipation of the idea. 'I have practically everyone worth inviting in my phone book.'

'And I can get a cake!' added Trent. 'Of course, that would involve a degree of theft from the food economics labs, but I can do it.'

'Excellent! I will gather the other Warblers,' replied Thad, rising from the lounge. He stood triumphant that his plan had started to come together. 'Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel will be married by evening! Or so help me…'


	2. Preparation

Kurt knew something was amiss as soon as he and Blaine entered the Warblers rehearsal room at lunchtime, hand in hand. Lounges had been pushed back against the walls. Wes and David were arguing over the placement of a number of desk chairs, as more were being brought in by other students. Two Warblers were leaning over a large white banner by the floor of the fireplace. In the center of the room lingered Thad, holding a clipboard and barking orders at another pair of Warblers moving a side table.

'That needs to be at the front of the room, not at the back!' he insisted, as Trent ran up to him.

'I couldn't get the cake!' cried Trent, wringing his hands. 'I was walking out with it, and Mrs Donaldson saw me from her office and gave me a week's worth of detention!'

Thad breathed in deeply and closed his eyes, as if attempting to control himself.

'That's okay – we can make do without,' he replied calmly. As soon as he opened them, he saw Kurt and Blaine and raised his hands in welcome.

'Warbler Blaine! Warbler Kurt! So nice of you to join us!'

The other Warblers stopped their activities to glance over at the new arrivals, greeting them with applause and a few whistles of appreciation.

Kurt and Blaine let go of each other's hand.

'Guys, what's going on?' Blaine asked, frowning

Thad closed his eyes again, though this time not in frustration, and bowed his head.

'Gentlemen,' he said, raising his head and indicating to the other Warblers in the room with a sweep of his hand. 'We have decided to honor and celebrate the beginning of your romantic relationship, with a wedding, here, in this very room. Warbler Blaine,' he continued, with a glance at Blaine. 'Warbler Kurt...simply put, by the end of the school day, you will both be joined in matrimony.'

Blaine stared back at him. 'I'm confused,' he replied.

Kurt felt his jaw drop.

'_We're doing what?_' he exclaimed. To his amazement, the boy standing next to him laughed.

'Oh!' Blaine replied, smiling and shaking his head. 'For a moment there I thought you said Kurt and I will be getting married.'

'That-that's what I said,' Thad stammered.

Blaine's smile vanished, replaced instead by a look of horror.

'_Holy crap_,' he said, softly.

'Okay, so is this a case of _We lost Regionals and now we don't know what to do with ourselves_ thing, or have you all just lost your minds?' asked Kurt, snarky.

'Both,' said Thad cheerfully. 'But the council members are putting so much effort into ensuring your big day goes smoothly. Take Nick, for instance. He ensured that the both of you received a generous amount of salad for your lunches today.'

'Don't ask me how I did it,' replied Nick, looking up at them from the floor. 'But you can thank me later,' he added, finishing off with a wink.

'That would explain why Marcus Welles congratulated us on our way down here,' said Kurt quietly, folding his arms.

'Invites have all been sent,' said Jeff, sidling up to Thad. 'Oh, hi Kurt, hi Blaine. We've had two RSVPs' already.' He showed them his phone screen. Kurt and Blaine leaned closer to read.

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Warblers Blaine & Kurt at 3.30pm, Warbler rehearsal room. RSVP ASAP. No invite, no entry._

'But…gay marriage is illegal!' said Blaine, still in a state of confusion.

'It will not be a binding contract,' replied Wes from the back of the room.

'It will be a wedding,' added David. 'But Warbler-style.'

Thad could see that he was losing the enthusiasm of his star couple, and so decided to adopt a different tactic.

'This may be my - our only chance in life to plan a wedding. For all of us.' He pointed to the other Warblers. 'They may never receive another opportunity to attend a gay wedding.' Behind him, Jeff nodded solemnly. 'So…' Thad looked at Blaine and Kurt expectantly. 'What do you say?'

The room fell silent. All the Warbler's eyes were on Blaine and Kurt, waiting on their answer.

Blaine's eyes flickered over at the other Warblers before he turned to Kurt.

'What do you think?' he asked, looking warily at Thad.

Kurt shrugged. 'I guess. I'm down with it if you are.'

Blaine nodded. He turned his attention to Thad. 'I think that's a yes.'

A few of the Warblers replied with _Yes! _and gave each other high fives. Thad breathed out in relief.

'Excellent! Warblers, resume your duties!' He moved between Blaine and Kurt, taking each by the arm and steering them around to the direction of the doors. He pushed them forward.

'Now, we have work to do.'

'But-' Blaine began, but Thad cut him off.

'Go on, shoo! Out, _out!_'

He nudged them through the doorway, grabbing both door handles behind him when they were outside. 'Four p.m., don't be late and make us wait!'

The last thing he saw was two stunned faces as he slammed the double doors behind him. He leaned against it, waiting for their footsteps to retreat before breathing out a sigh of relief. He straightened up and called out towards the back of the room.

'Nick, how is that banner coming along?'


	3. Wedding

After his final class, Kurt decided to drop off his satchel in his car before walking over to the performing arts hallway. He found Blaine waiting for him there, pacing the hallway with a firm grip on his satchel. Looking dapper as always in his school uniform (or so Kurt had always thought), he had applied extra hair gel for the occasion. He stopped as Kurt approached.

'Hi,' he said smiling, showing a little more teeth that usual.

'Hey,' Kurt replied. 'Are you ready?'

Blaine cleared his throat. 'Let's just do this.'

They walked over to the rehearsal room doors and noticed Jeff and Trent in front, guarding it.

'I'll take that,' Trent said, indicating to the satchel resting on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine handed it to him silently as Trent slipped through the doorway, the noise of chatter heard briefly before the door closed again. Jeff handed Kurt and Blaine a yellow rose, thorns removed and stems shortened.

'These look familiar,' said Kurt, placing the rose in the pocket of Blaine's school blazer as Blaine did the same for him.

'Let's just say they were - _acquired_ on a stroll through the grounds this afternoon,' Jeff replied, shiftily.

Trent slipped back through the door, the sound of voices hushing one another behind him.

'Ready?' he asked.

Kurt and Blaine linked arms.

'Ready,' they replied in unison, though Kurt couldn't help but notice Blaine's voice came out as more of a squeak.

Jeff and Trent opened the double doors, and Kurt and Blaine stepped through. Around fifty pairs of eyes turned to stare back at them, many having stood up from their seats. Students were seated in rows, with a makeshift aisle running down the center of the room. Those without a seat stood around the perimeter of the room. They vaguely heard Jeff and Trent shut the doors behind them to then join the other Warblers standing at the front of the room, over to one side.

'Blaine?' whispered Kurt, tightening his hold on Blaine's arm.

'Kurt.'

'I'm freaking out.'

Blaine swallowed and gripped Kurt's arm even tighter. 'So am I.'

As soon as they had found their footing and had begun to make their descent down the aisle, the Warblers began to sing, repeating the one word _love _over and over. Blaine and Kurt turned to one another and smiled in recognition.

_There's nothing you can do that can't be done  
>Nothing you can sing that can't be sung<em>

Other students gave them smiles as they walked past. Kurt began to notice details; all the students had worn their blazers. Two bunches of yellow roses sat in vases at the end of the aisle. And a large white banner with bold writing was draped high above the fireplace. Blaine noticed it, too; it read: "CONGRATULATIONS, BLAINE + KURT!"

Underneath the banner stood Thad, hands clasped together tightly, wearing a white shawl; he was poised with an air of superiority. On seeing that they were to be married by Thad, Kurt bit his lip, in an attempt to conceal a smirk. Blaine looked away, trying to stifle his laughter.

The Warblers were at the chorus now, and the other students began to clap along with their voices. They finished on _love is all you need_ as the couple reached the end of the aisle, and the room fell silent again.

As Thad cleared his throat enthusiastically, Kurt and Blaine let go of each other and stood side by side in front of him.

'Fellow Warbler brethren,' Thad began solemnly, reading from a handwritten sheet of paper. 'Most distinguished guests of Dalton…'

'_Dalton for life, bro_!' someone shouted from down the back. The room erupted into laughter, including Kurt and Blaine.

Thad glared at the back of the room, but continued as if uninterrupted. 'We come together this fine Wednesday afternoon, in the hallowed presence of Dalton Academy, to join Warbler Blaine Anderson, and Warbler Kurt Hummel…'

'_Elizabeth_ Hummel,' Kurt whispered to him.

'Warbler Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, in matrimony,' Thad continued. 'And we must now ask ourselves the most pressing of questions: How does one define marriage? Why is there placed an emphasis on it being a sacred rite, an act of passage? Why, in this cherished place, do we gather to celebrate the love shared between two people, among ourselves?'

'_Why are there no chicks at Dalton?_' a second student called out. Another wave of laughter hit the room.

'Nice one, James!' said Blaine, looking behind him and chuckling.

'_I will have silence!'_ Thad pointed out his finger threateningly to the guests, and upon realizing he had lost his point on the page, said lazily:

'All those in favor of this union, say aye.'

'_Aye!_' the room responded in unison.

'Please turn to face each other.'

Kurt and Blaine followed his instructions; Kurt with his hands place in front of him, Blaine with his clasped behind his back.

'Warbler Kurt, repeat after me, please.' Kurt nodded.

'I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel...'

'I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel…' repeated Kurt, staring into Blaine's eyes. A smile formed on Blaine's lips as he watched him.

'Take thee, Blaine Anderson…' Thad continued.

'Take thee, Blaine Anderson…'

'To be my Dalton husband…'

Kurt snickered before repeating: 'To be my Dalton husband…'

'I promise to honor you, cherish you in good times and in bad and…will kick you in the nether regions if you dare suggest we set a foot in a GAP again? _I did not write this!_' Thad turned to the Warblers. '_Who desecrated my original vows?_'

'Yours truly, replied Jeff, as Nick slowly raised his hand. 'Well, ours truly. But they're good, right?'

Thad stood, staring with his mouth hanging open at them in disbelief before turning his attention to Kurt: 'If you care to repeat that, go ahead.'

After Kurt managed to repeat the last few words without dissolving into giggles, Thad turned his attention to Blaine, who had, up until Kurt's last statement, had been watching Kurt with wonderment.

'Warbler Blaine, repeat after me, please. I, Blaine Anderson…'

Blaine exhaled slowly.

'I…Blaine Anderson…'

'Take thee, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel…' Thad continued.

'Take – take thee, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel…'

Behind Kurt, the Warblers stood by silently, many in a state of embrace with the person nearest to them.

'To be my Dalton husband…'

'To be m-' Blaine's voice trailed off and he looked away from Kurt, taking in the view of the fireplace instead. Concerned, Kurt reached over to touch Blaine's shoulder gently as other students called out words of encouragement.

'Come on, Blaine!'

'You can do it, bro,' said Wes, enveloped from behind in David's hug.

Blaine sighed, picking up Kurt's hand from his shoulder and taking Kurt's other hand in his own.

'To be my Dalton husband,' he repeated, shaking his head, a tight smile forming on his lips.

'I promise to-'

'I promise to respect you,' Blaine said, interrupting Thad. 'Be honest with you, always, and share many more meaningful talks over coffee. And sing more duets with you. And let you throttle me if I'm being an ass,' he added.

Kurt laughed, also sending Blaine into a chuckle.

'Okay, said Thad, satisfied, and shouted something that made them both jump. '_Rings!'_

Trent ran over to Thad, place two objects in his outstretched hand, then ran back to stand with the other Warblers. On seeing the objects in hand, Kurt and Blaine both looked away, giggling. A few students began standing up from their chairs to get a better look.

'Gummy candy rings,' Blaine announced, as laughter rose again from their guests.

'_This is serious business!_' Thad bellowed, placing a ring in Kurt's hand.

'Warbler Kurt, repeat after me: Blaine, I give you this ring as a sign of my love and affection. With it, I thee wed.'

Kurt repeated Thad's words, slipping the ring onto Blaine's finger.

'Warbler Blaine,' continued Thad, asking Blaine to repeat his words and place the ring on Kurt's finger. Blaine did so, interlacing his fingers with Kurt's afterwards.

'By the power invested in me by Dalton Academy…' Thad said, reading from the sheet of paper again. 'And…its finest assortment of Bros…' He rolled his eyes at the last sentence as the Warblers snickered. '…I now pronounce you joined in matrimony.' He placed the sheet behind his back. 'You, uh, may now kiss each other.'

Blaine made the mistake of glancing over at their audience of guests, all leaning forward in their chairs expectantly, grins on their faces. It was short-lived, as Kurt circled an arm around his waist and pulled him forward into a passionate kiss. Blaine felt himself being dipped backwards, and he threw his arms around Kurt for support. Cheers erupted from all the students in the room, along with a few whistles, none as loud as the Warblers who were shouting and hugging one another excitedly. Kurt broke the kiss and pulled Blaine into an upright position again.

'_Wow_!' Blaine whispered to him over the noise in the room.

Kurt turned towards Thad, who was congratulating them politely, and thanked him with a kiss on his cheek; Blaine following suit with a kiss on Thad's other cheek. Thad laughed, blushing slightly as the rest of the Warblers bounded over, hugging Blaine and Kurt and giving Thad pats on the back, or in Wes's case, tousling his hair. As this was occurring, a small commotion was forming at the opposite end of the room. Raised whispers and cries of _'Shush!'_ reached the other side of the room where the Warblers stood.

Blaine noticed that a number of students were huddled around the double doors.

'Guys, what's happening?' he called out, his smile vanishing.

One of the boys tuned around, looking pale.

'The headmaster!' he exclaimed. The noise within the room immediately ceased. 'The headmaster's coming this way….and he has six other teachers with him.'

'Who?'

'Professor Johnston…Deputy Headmaster Collins…they'll be here any second now.'

'I -' Wes began, as a few students turned to face him. 'I wrote on the booking sheet that we were all meeting to practice our French for the upcoming bi-annual European Languages Revue.'

All color drained from Thad's face. His eyes flickered to the other Warblers, frozen in mid-hug, to the other guests, and then to the roses and the white banner hanging above them.

'We – we must hide the roses!' he shouted, as two Warblers came to and rushed over to claim them. 'Banner must come down! Newlyweds – someone get them out!'

'But-' protested Kurt, as one of the Warblers threw Blaine his satchel. Blaine grabbed Kurt by the hand and tried to pull him towards the only other exit – a side door which lead to another part of the hallway. Kurt hesitated.

'They're covering for us!' Blaine hissed, as Nick, Jeff and Trent attempted to reach the banner above the fireplace.

'Places, everyone!' Thad announced, as students scrambled back to their seats. The last thing Kurt and Blaine overheard was Jeff's voice as they fell out into the hallway: '_Merde_ - I can't speak _French!'_


	4. Honeymoon

Kurt and Blaine ran, and they did not stop running until they reached the student car park and their rides, which were parked next to each other respectively. Panting, they leaned back against their car bonnets. Kurt caught Blaine's eye and they began laughing, loudly at first before they dissolved into giggles.

'That was insane!' breathed Kurt, still recovering from the laughter.

'Definitely!' replied Blaine, grinning. He leaned back further against his car and exhaled. Kurt watched him.

'So I, um, saw you tearing up a little back there,' Kurt said, speaking carefully. Blaine raised his eyes to Kurt's and opened his mouth to speak, hesitating at first.

'It – it felt so real to me. Like we were actually, you know. And...I've never seen you look so happy,' he admitted.

Kurt observed Blaine silently until Blaine could take it no more.

'What is it?' he asked, smiling.

Kurt tilted his head. 'I never thought I'd have a boyfriend who turned out to be more of a romantic that me,' he said, his eyes sparkling.

'You mean husband?' replied Blaine, waggling his eyebrows. 'We're married now.'

'Not officially,' noted Kurt.

'Well, not officially, but I guess they'll be calling us husbands from now on…'

'No, I mean, I think I read somewhere that it needs to be consummated afterwards for it to be official.'

Blaine's hand slipped off the bonnet.

'What?'

'Well, you know,' continued Kurt, nonchalantly. 'You have - sex afterwards. I believe that's what happens with straight marriages. With gay marriages, I don't know, really.'

Blaine frowned. 'You want to…consummate this marriage?'

Kurt looked over at Blaine and on seeing his dead serious expression, gasped and said, 'I was kidding! Blaine, for crying out loud!'

Blaine grinned. 'Well, if you were considering it...' he began, but stopped as Kurt looked away from him, his cheeks growing red. He cleared his throat and raised his hand to see his candy ring at eye level. 'I wonder what flavor this is.'

Kurt looked over at Blaine, grateful for the change of subject. 'Try it, I won't be offended.'

'Why don't you try yours as well?'

'Okay,' replied Kurt, removing his ring. 'On the count of three. One...'

'Three!' exclaimed Blaine, removing his ring and placing it in his mouth. 'Mmm...strawberry.' He chewed slowly, watching as Kurt popped the ring in his mouth.

Kurt made a face. 'Ick...it's supposed to be cherry, but it tastes like medicine.' He swallowed it down.

'Let me be the judge of that,' Blaine said smoothly, and before Kurt could respond, Blaine had his hands pinning Kurt against his car and was leaning in, kissing him eagerly. Kurt tasted strawberry-flavored candy and deepened the kiss, letting his tongue slip gently inside Blaine's mouth. Blaine pulled away very quickly.

'Yeah, you kind of do taste like medicine,' he replied sheepishly and Kurt gave him a rough, but playful shove, making Blaine laugh.

'Okay, I deserved that!' Blaine exclaimed, holding up both hands in surrender. He picked up his keys from the pocket of his satchel. 'So, where's the honeymoon?'

'Our usual haunt, dear husband,' replied Kurt, picking up his own keys.

'Great, I could really go for some coffee,' Blaine said, clicking the button on his keys to deactivate his car alarm. It beeped twice. 'And I'll beat you there this time,' he added, smugly.

Kurt smiled. 'I'd like to see you try, honey.'


End file.
